Recently, the Black Magic Woman and I packed up the cast members and headed across the desert to the Mouse's House. The trip was outstanding, thanks in most part to St. Rosemarie for lending us the time share. But that is beside the point, or in this case, the post. I wanted to bring your attention to a little known fact about Californians: it appears they never have to pee.
"Hello, I am Arnold Schwarzenegger and let me be zee first to velcome you to de grand state of California, vhere ve do not need to pee. Because ve have no need to pee, I have removed every toilet from vithin 175 miles of any freevay outside of Los Angeles."
Well that's just great, however, in Arizona, "ve" have to pee like every 20 minutes. This created a problem when travelling with four females from the Grand Canyon State. At one point on our way home, we were somewhere just past Riverside, when Daughter Who is Smarter Than I said, "Dad, I need a toilet."
"But, honey," I reply, "We are in California. You know that there are no toilets anywhere near this freeway. Why didn't you go four hours ago before we left the hotel?" I get the expected, "Are you seriously that stupid?" look from the back seat.
Then Daughter Who is Still in Diapers says, "Daeey, I nee toyett too."
"No, you are still in diapers. You don't need a toilet." I remind her. "Just go pee pee in your diaper and we will change it as soon as we can."
"No I nin't go pee pee in my diaper animore!" she furiously yells from the back of the minivan.
"It has been quite a while since we stopped," the Black Magic Woman chimes in.
"Do you have to pee too?" I ask Daughter Who Misses Her Cats.
"Yea, and poo."
That settles it. I get off at the next somewhat-civilized looking exit and begin to use all of the common sense I have for restroom hunting. First I enter a residential-type area, thinking that these people have to eat. There will be a fast food joint or a grocery store around. Nope. Then I make my way downtown toward the industrial side. Nothing. Finally, while passing a greenbelt, Magic says "The door on that building over there says 'Women'." I make a sharp right and pull over. The girls get out and use the bathroom which Black Magic describes as having a hole and a handle, the latter apparently just for decoration.
As everyone gets buckled and Still in Diapers gets changed, I realize that it is quite possible that we are in Mexico somewhere. It's getting dark and there is Mariachi playing in the background. I set off to find the freeway, making a mental note that flying may be a good idea next time.
Arnold, if you find your way to this here blog: Seriously man, I've seen The Terminator and assume you have a modulator or something that you hook up with to get rid of waste, but the rest of us Sarah Conner types need toilets.