Friday

The Boardroom

From FluSoft Home Office:

Good morning! Let's begin with introductions. Starting on my left is Bob Type A Influenza from Production; Larry Type B Influenza from Marketing; Max Type B Influenza from our Bug Resources department; Karen Type A Influenza from Public Relations; Jenny Type A Influenza from Legal; our CEO Donald Type B Influenza and I'm Shelly Type A Influenza, Vice President.

Okay, let's get started.

As you are aware, at the end of this month we will introduce FluVista, our latest Nasal Transfer Operating System designed to improve the state of infection in a market saturated with Superbugs. Donald and I have called this meeting to discuss any last-minute strategy changes that may be beneficial to the smooth rollout of this revolutionary product. Let's start with Bob from Production.

Thank you, Shelly. We are excited in Production to see the fruit of our intense commitment to the quality production of this product. You can be assured that all of our Flu Bugs will be equipped with FluVista at rollout. In fact, we only have about 27 bazillion bugs remaining who have not received the download. We anticipate that small number of bugs should receive the installment by the end of the week.

Thanks, Bob. Now let's turn our attention to Larry in Marketing who will discuss the release date of our largest competitor Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus's new product.

Thank you, Shelly. While it is true, MRSA has a scheduled release date for their latest product, the iMRSA, we should not see any decline in infection this quarter. However, due to our competition's incredible breakthroughs in the area of resistance to antibiotics, we may see a drop in overall earnings by this time next flu season. That being said, I had a meeting with one of our promising young research bugs last night wherein I was assured that production of the Avian influenza strain we have all been anticipating should begin by the next flu season.

That sounds wonderful, Larry. Thank you. Karen from Public Relations has a quick word on the Flu shot epidemic:

Good morning everyone, I am sure you have heard the recent news about the massive quantity of flu vaccinations available to the hosts. Rest assured, our media resources have advised that these vaccinations would have worked against our grandparents, but will be utterly useless against us. On another note, we are in the finishing stages of a partnership with one of the oldest and largest Bacteria Corporations known to bugkind: E. Coli. The merge will aid, finance and assist us in the ever changing field of bacterial infestation without having to create another business entity.

Thank you, Karen. Max, do you have anything you would like to add?

Just that we need to remember that, with any merger comes diversity. In the future we may find the very blood vessels we work in and the stomach's we eat in may be needed by E. Coli employees. Just try to be nice. That all.

Thanks, Max. I'm sure, as leaders, you will all convey to your bugs the importance of maintaining an environment free from prejudices.

How about you, Jenny? Whatever happened to that lawsuit from the bugs over at The Common Cold?

Dismissed for lack of evidence. They're just jealous.

Okay then... Donald has a few words in closing.

Good morning and thank you all for your hard work and dedication to this project. As you are aware, I have spent an enormous amount of time promoting my BugTV program "The Apprentice Season 79". I thank you, Shelly, for holding down the fort in my absence. You are the greatest team ever assembled at FluSoft and together, we will set the standard for infectious disease across the world. Remember our slogan hear at FluSoft: Your potential. Our infection. 

5 comments:

C. Beth November 9, 2008 at 3:50 PM  

Very funny...and scary, and true.

Beth (Vista user--ugh--and The One Minute Writer)

Heather November 9, 2008 at 8:35 PM  

I would love to know how you come up with this stuff!!

I'm totally rolling!!

Nanny Goats In Panties November 9, 2008 at 11:22 PM  

Why do I get the feeling you've spent an awful lot of time in corporate project kick-off meetings? Bravo!

Masturbation Saves Lives November 11, 2008 at 6:33 AM  

Clever.

"I have a suggestion," said Antibacterial Soap.

Schmendel November 12, 2008 at 10:56 AM  

Well, finally! Proof that they are out to get us...

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